I Would Win The 2023 Dunk Contest

 

    The dunk contest is a dying event in the NBA but fans still tune in every year to see if it will ever return to how exciting it was in the 90s. We got lucky with the battle of Aaron Gordan vs Zach LaVine battle back in 2016 but other than that, it has been a boring Saturday night. Many people have come out and said to put the 3 point contest after the dunk contest because that is more entertaining now. But I can see this reality where I win the dunk contest next year and revive the dunk contest. 

    I would not originally get picked to the dunk contest because I am not an NBA player but this is still a plan after the four contestants announced. The four contestants would be Jaden Ivey, Ja Morant, Zion Williamson, and reigning champ Obi Toppin. There is always one rookie that participates with bunnies and Jaden Ivey fits this description perfectly. Ja Morant has been pretty open about not participating unless he gets paid but he is a changed man after winning the most improved player this past year. He can hear the critics talking. Zion Williamson is back healthy, for now, and has always fit the mold to win a dunk contest. He dominated the dunk contest back in high school at the McDonalds All American game. Obi Toppin won last year so he will 82.7% likely come back according to my calculations. Here is where I come in. All-Star weekend in 2023 is in Salt Lake City, Utah. Late Friday night, the day before the dunk contest, Zion orders a pizza from this place Michael Jordan suggested to him. Jordan loved this place back when he played. Zion starts going ham on the pizza as he normally does with any plate placed in front of him. Zion wakes up Saturday morning and he lost 20 pounds so he is down to 330 pounds. Zion is experimenting food poisoning and can't leave his hotel room due to him not feeling good which means he can not participate in the dunk contest. Adam Silver hears this news and starts scrambling to find Zion's replacement. He decides to give ya boy a call and I agree to replace Zion Williamson in the dunk contest. I am nervous as I have to get on a plane immediately to Utah but I can hear in my head them introducing me, "AND NOW THE 6'1 POWER FORWARD OUT OF NORTH CENTRAL COLLEGE... JAKE LYNCHHHHHH." Now here are the dunks I would do to win.

Dunk 1

You have to remember I did not have a single ounce of practice and I am thinking of ideas to do on the plane. The first dunk is very important and gets the fans behind you immediately. I grew up a Blake Griffin fan and always loved the flashy dunks he would do on the Lob City Clippers. But everyone remembers his dunk over the car, if you call it that. He brought out the Kia and dunked over the hood of the car, looking back that dunk would have been way better. I would bring out my Chevy (hopefully sponsored) and dunk over the whole car. That would easily get a 50. 

Dunk 2

Coming off a 50 and seeing everyone else round 1 is tough. Also did not note I went last due to being a late add so I saw everyone else dunks. I know exactly what I need score wise and looking for a 48 or above. I always loved Vince Carter and his flashy dunks in the dunk contest. I would put on a purple Raptors Vince Carter jersey and recreate the honey dip dunk he did in the dunk contest. That got me 49 because Dwayne Wade gave me a 9. I advanced to the finals against Jaden Ivey.  

Dunk 3

I know I said the first dunk was important but the third dunk is the most important one but far. I have to come out with a bang and I have the perfect analogy. The first Spider-Man with Tobey Maguire where he is fighting the Green Goblin. The first scene where the Green Goblin comes in and he is riding the hoverboard terrorizing the city. That's what I have in mind for the dunk. I will go backstage and come out with the hoverboard, riding around and above the fans. I will land my hoverboard on top of the jumbotron, where then I will jump off the jumbotron and dunk the basketball. On the way down I will hit 7.3 flips then dunk, landing on my feet of course. That will easily get a 50, hands down. 

Dunk 4

Alright now, the last dunk of the evening. I gotta go out with a BANG. Now listen here, this is a never before dunk in the dunk contest and not many people call do this dunk. I will bring out the Salt Lake City Fire Department to help with this dunk. I will set someone on fire and dunk over them. This person will be completely safe though. This will for sure get a 50 and I will raise the dunk contest trophy over my head. 

    Now the only thing I need done is Zion Williamson to get food poisoning and Adam Silver to call me on a Saturday morning. If this happens, NBA fans will be thanking for me years to come. I will revive the dunk contest.

As Always Ya Boy,

Monstah Lynch